Vol. 3 No. 72 Humorous Quotes from Our Readers

A week ago, I sent out a request to a number of our readers to see if they had any favorite humorous stories or quotes about the sport of Track and Field

Sylvia Gleason:  The Talmud says it is ok to tell a lie or break a law if it will save someone's life.  We're not supposed to run on the Sabbath, but if I stayed at home that day and did nothing I would probably kill somebody.

Ernie Cunliffe, Stanford University, US Olympic team 800 meters 1960, wrote:
Our coach Payton Jordan wrote slogans on the dressing room wall.  One was :  "Champions are gracious and humble."  Someone added two words   "and fast." 

Steve Price:
Two quotes from   Wayne Yarcho (U. of Nebraska, 1939).  Wayne was a track athlete, then road runner, later a race walker.

After participating in a 24 hour relay (8 guys running repeat miles for a day) Wayne stated.
"You know,  this is almost too much of a good thing."

The other memorable quote from Wayne was:  "I'd push my mother out of the way to finish one place higher in a race."    I am not sure   he didn't really meant it.

Ed Bowes:  "I'm a masochist when I run, and a sadist when I coach."

From Bruce Kritzler comes a Marty Liquori quote. 
"Road racing is  Rock and Roll.  But track racing is Carnegie Hall."

 

George,
Doug Brown always told the team, "Never bet on a horse with a hard-on." Also told them, "Don't piss down your leg" (meaning don't choke).
Bruce

From George Brose:   on  Bill Carroll, former coach at the U. of Oklahoma (1959-63).  He would have a team meeting at the beginning of the year.  Bill had a habit of getting all nervous and worked up while he was talking.  He would say something like.
"You're grown men now, not high schoolers.  So I'm not going to lay down any rules."  This would go on for awhile, and then at the end he was really carrying  on  like a Baptist preacher in a lather, and I distinctly remember the capstone to that speech was.  "Keep it in your pants, and dammit , go to church on Sunday!"

True but not so funny,  we usually went on Spring Break to Arizona State for a dual or triangular meet, then down to U. of Arizona for a dual meet.   Normally we  got dusted pretty bad as we were just coming out of indoor season and the Arizona teams were three meets  into their outdoor season.  Well, we upset Arizona edging them on the last event, the mile relay.  After the meet one of our top athletes went to the coach and suggested that a nice reward for the win would be a trip down to Mexico, so the coach rented three white convertibles. We drove down to Nogales for the day/evening and three guys came back with something they picked up in a bordello.  Team meeting a week later.   The coach says, well, our broad jumper came back with a runny nose.  Any of you others having a similar problem?  

 

One that comes to mind was from one of my teammates Anthony Watson at Oklahoma describing the runners at Texas Southern University who were tearing up the relay circuit in the mid 1960's. 

 

"They put their pants on one leg at a time......vastly superior legs.

From Walt Mizell, former Oklahoma half miler on Bill Carroll the OU track coach:

One of Bill's favorite sayings when meeting the team before an important track meet was,
    "This ain't no county track meet."
 

 Hal Higdon once told a story in possibly  "On the Run from Dogs and People" about being on a long Sunday morning run in the Bible belt in the Midwest.   As he approached a church that was emptying after the Sunday service,  a couple of old biddies looked with distain and horror at the near naked heathen coming down the road.   The runner/heathen yelled up to the old gals,  "Ladies, for the last two hours, I've been closer to God than you will ever be." 

George,

 

Along the lines of the Higdon story…

 

A riding buddy of mine Wayne DuBois told me once how to justify missing Sunday services for a ride. -  “I’m pretty sure the good Lord would rather I be on my bike thinking about him than sitting in church thinking about my bike!”

 

Cheers,

Rapper

 

From Ray Olfky (Centerville, OH)

	As Rich Davis (U. of Dayton Cross Country Coach)use to tell me: Running is 90% mental and the other half physical.  (strongly resembles Yogi Berra)

From Bill Blewett U. of Oklahoma

 

		I like the quote of Abe Lemons, the Oklahoma City University basketball coach and humorist who once said, "track is the easiest sport to  coach.  Just tell the runners to bear left and hurry back." From Stephen Fisher,   Yes, that sounds like Abe Lemons. He also said, in my hearing, "No, I don't jog. I wanna be sick when I die." Some time after that Billy Tubbs got his ass nearly killed running on  a Norman, OK  road, but I think Abe was referring to actual illness. Runners are too healthy. These quotes from Abe Lemons are so good, I had to look up some more to include. "One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good."                        "I had a basketball team where nobody could run it (the mile) in six minutes and we won the NIT [National Invitation Tournament of New York]."                "I asked [Bud] Koper after the game why he didn't show up to eat and he told me he wasn't hungry. If I had a rule that said you couldn't start or couldn't play if you missed the pregame meal, then we would have lost the game [Koper scored 44 points in a victory]. Sometimes it's better not to have that many rules."             "I never substitute just to substitute. I play my regulars. The only way a guy gets off the floor is if he dies."              "I told [Johnny] Bench once, 'If you had come with me, you could be the principal of a high school by now'."                                                         "Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor."                                                       "Coaches are creatures of habit. I knew a coach who got a deal going where his players had to run a mile in six minutes. I asked why. He said, 'gut check'."                                                       From John Bork  1961 NCAA 880 Champion at Western Michigan. George the best track and field quote I remember was by John Telford of Wayne State University,who made a USA team and toured Europe in 1959 or thereabouts. When he was participating in a "clinic" he was asked how he ran the 400. John's response was "I start out all out and then gradually build up the speed". My favorite sports quote was in the aftermath of Mark Spitz' 6 gold medal preformance. at the Munich Games. When a reporter asked another Swimmer who won a single Gold medal  from USC, what he thought about Spitz' amazing performance he said "It could have happened to a nicer guy!"  The craziest story I heard was before the 1972 Olympic Games. As I remember it  the AAU Committee was meeting and were dolling out positions for the 1971 Team management and coaching positions. When someone nominated Eldon Fix, who was from a small Oregon school and was a long time AAU "plugger" was nominated for head coach:  But, Olympic Coach for 1972 - Bill Bowerman, shot up out of his chair and said "You can't choose Eldon Fix, He's a potato head!! The guys on either side of Coach Bowerman, tried to restain him and get him back into his chair. So, much for Bowerman's disdain for AAU croniism !
George: I had a super polite girl I coached in High School cross country. When she would pass someone during race she would say EXCUSE ME!! I also had a boy scout, my  number two runner on the  team.  In one meet he came in toward the back of the pack. I came up to him after the race wondering what had happened. He showed me with excitement his collection of praying mantis insects all over his jersey that he collected during the race for a school project !! Quote: My Dad thought that the only reason to do Track and Field is to Win. If not “you might as well stay home and work.” He said that “Run For Fun” sh.t is for losers. My father would go to the track with me occasionally to watch and time me ,in the summer when I was home from college. One day Dad said some cat he worked with  said he could beat him in  a sprint. They were going to race on lunch break in a alley at General Motors. So Dad said would I time him for a 100 yard dash. He was wearing slip on canvas Vans like shoes.  With a standing start he ran 10.9 hand timed. He was a chain smoker, coughed for 10 mins. I said you better walk some. He said he was waiting for his ass to catch up with him. Dad was WWII seabee. He was 56 at the time.s!!     Phil Scott     This from an Aussie website:  How's the nipples Mate?"         "Fantastic..they are the only part of me that doesn't hurt"         Conversation after the 10km event at the Noosa Half Marathon     This was  purloined from the internet.  I had to wade through a lot of inspirational, syrupy tripe.  This one got through the filter.   If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want -- Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway. --Don Kardong Here is a link to some digital age track humor.  I think we ran this one a few months ago.  number 5 definitely is material for a blonde joke.   http://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/25-things-only-track-and-field-runners-can-underst-82j3

 

The inspiration for this exercise came from the list of football hockey and baseball quips below.

 

"Last year we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play."

- Harry Neale, professional hockey coach

 

"Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch."

- Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver

 

"I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time.  If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect."

- Doug Sanders, professional golfer

 

"All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay.  Bring me another beer.'"

- Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher

 

"When it's third and ten, you can have the milk drinkers; I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time."

- Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver

 

"I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles.  Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having them."

- Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager

 

"My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good."

- Vic Braden, tennis instructor

 

"When they operated, I told them to add in a Koufax fastball.  They did – but unfortunately it was Mrs. Koufax's."

- Tommy John N.Y. Yankees, recalling his 1974 arm surgery

 

"I don't know. I only played there for nine years."

- Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles

 

"We were tipping off our plays.  Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost."

- John Breen, Houston Oilers

 

"The film looks suspiciously like the game itself."

- Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to Atlanta Falcons

 

"When I'm on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo."

- Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher

 

"I have discovered in 20 years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats."

- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner

 

"Because, if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day."

- Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon.

 

"I have a lifetime contract.      That means I can't be fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and moving the ball."

- Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach

 

"I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday."

- Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game.

 

"I tell him 'Attaway to hit, George.'"

- Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting

 

"I learned a long time ago that 'minor surgery' is when they do the operation on someone else, not you."

- Bill Walton, Portland Trail Blazers

 

"Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash."

- George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.

 

"The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday."

- Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach

 

And my favorite, which I can really identify with, is:

 

"My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget."

- E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations 

 

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Vol. 2 No. 89 Fastballs and Distance Runners

In 1967  This photo was taken at the end of the first lap at the Big 8 Conference Mile Run at Norman, Oklahoma.  The following correspondence between myself and Bill Blewett (Oklahoma U runner on the pole) and Dr. David Costill, renowned exercise physiologist discusses what distance runners and their coaches often must confront regarding when to back off and rest during periods of intense training and racing.  Bill is a physicist and has done extensive reading and study on the subject of racing and resting.  This aspect of sport carries across many disciplines and can be applied to the science  of pitching in baseball.      Bill has recently written a book  "The Science of the Fastball" (McFarland & Co.) coming out this December 5, 2012, but  it can be pre-ordered on numerous booksellers' websites.   He is also currently working on another book about distance running.  Recently several of you have written about overtraining.  We all know overtraining ourselves or an athlete we are coaching is about the easiet thing to do and one of the biggest mistakes one can make.  Trying to decide when enough is enough and convince a highly motivated athlete that he or she will not benefit from more work is constant problem in coaching.  We've all had our own experiences with this.  The most difficult thing to do  is to say , "Enough." ed.

"Jim Ryun won the Big 8 mile that year in 4:08.5. If you look closely at the photo you'll see my nostrils flaring as I reached the quarter in 60.5 not feeling at all lightfooted as I had a week earlier when we ran Kansas in a dual meet in Norman. I led the Big 8 race for 2 1/4 laps. I was advancing to the rear of the pack by the 1320 mark (in 3:14) and took on a passenger in the last quarter mile to finish 14th out of 16." Bill Blewett

That 8x10 has resided on my bookshelf for years, and one day about four years ago, I noticed for the first time the position of my left foot.  After just one lap of the race, I was already on my heels, an indication that I had lost my efficient foot mechanics (forefoot strike).  That's not supposed to happen, of course, until late in the race.  I ran a "personal worst" that day, just eight days after running a personal best.  I looked back at my workout log and found that I did nothing out of the ordinary in those eight days, and I had eased off in my training in the two days before the Big 8 meet.  Data from one of Dr. Costill's books indicate that a runner restores glycogen in about 48 hours after a workout (I have reprinted that graph with permission from TAFNEWS Press from "A Scientific Approach to Distance Running" in my book), so why were my calf muscles glycogen deficient eight days after the last race?  The answer, I found is that muscle damage that occurs with eccentric contractions slows the restoration of glycogen.  The only muscles that were sore after every mile race (or longer races) were my calf muscles.  As Dr. Costill says, it is due to the inflammatory response, and what I found in my literature search was a study indicating the macrophages, which do their work in the inflammation phase, vacuum up not only the debris from the muscle damage but also the glycogen granules that are stored among the myofibrils.  

One of the themes of the book about running I'm working on is that distance runners overtrain and over-race, and the main victims of this culture of overtraining are the high school runners.  Dr. Costill's statement is his email reply is very powerful relative to the issue of overtraining.

George, I think you'll find this article interesting.  It appeared in Baltimore Sun July 9.  I didn't have space (700 word max) to explain why muscle damage retards the restoration of glycogen, but it is an issue that first sparked my curiosity with regard to running; why did it sometimes take more than seven days for the calf muscles to fully recover from a mile race?  It is a very important issue in pitching.  

Bill

The biology of the midseason pitching slump

Fatigue sets in when fastballers don't have time to restore the glycogen in their muscles

July 09, 2012|By William Blewett

The All-Star Game brings more than just a midseason shot of excitement to Major League Baseball. It provides much-needed rest for the players, a four-day respite in a 162-game season that often produces fatigue and injury.
The players who most need rest are the starting pitchers, who, paradoxically, get the most rest during the season, playing only every fifth day. Yet, midseason pitching swoons, like the Oriole starters have recently experienced, are not uncommon.

Perhaps the best-known case of pitching fatigue to occur around the All-Star break was that of Bob Feller, the Cleveland fireballer who at age 17 struck out 17 batters in his fifth major-league start. In his third season, 1938, Mr. Feller fell into a slump after being selected as an all-star. He won nine games before the break, then lost nine games after it. His earned-run average for August soared to 8.71, up from 1.43 in May. Cleveland newspapers declared his fastball gone. No one knew why.
Modern science offers an explanation of Mr. Feller's power outage. The likely cause was fatigue of the most heavily worked muscles of pitching: the wrist flexors and finger flexors of the forearm.
A major-league fastball requires exceptional hand speed and arm speed, which demand an abundance of the powerful fast-glycolytic muscle fibers in the arm and shoulder — the same fiber type Olympic sprinters and jumpers rely on for explosive power. Physiologists have a second name for this high-performance fiber: fast-fatigable.

This fiber fatigues rapidly because its main energy source is a limited supply of microscopic glycogen granules stored in each fiber. A pitcher can deplete the glycogen from his forearm flexors in a single outing, but it takes more than a day to restore the glycogen. If there is substantial micro-trauma to the muscle fibers — a routine occurrence in pitchers' forearm muscles — restoration can take a week or more. The glycogen energy system, technically known as intramuscular storage of energy substrate, is much like a rechargeable battery.

Depletion of glycogen causes muscle fibers to lose power, to contract more slowly under a load. At very low glycogen levels, fibers can shut down — enter a state of stiffness — or begin to act like slow-twitch fibers, relying not on glycogen but on a very small, less-powerful aerobic capacity.
This leads to differential fatigue, in which the flexion of the wrist and fingers lags the arm in its high-speed rotation. The result: the pitcher loses his precise coordination between the two fastest movements of pitching: forward arm rotation, with speeds as high as 10,000 degrees per second, and wrist flexion, up to 4,500 degrees per second.

This temporary loss of perfect coordination affects control, often leaving the fastball up in the strike zone. It also produces a slower spin rate, resulting in less movement of the fastball, making the pitch more easily hittable.

The remedy is simple. Rest. Skip a start. Add an extra rest day to the cycle. Or send the pitcher to the bullpen, where the workload is lighter. Pitchers, however, sometimes work harder in response, worsening the problem.

Because the restoration can take days, the workouts between outings that forcefully activate the fast-glycolytic fibers of the pitching muscles — such as wrist curls, chin-ups, long tossing, or near-game-speed bullpen throwing sessions — delay the full recharging of glycogen.The effect of muscle micro-trauma on restoration can be seen in the contrast between a no-hitter and the game after the no-hitter, particularly with high pitch counts. Johan Santana threw a no-hitter on June 1, the first in New York Mets history. Seven days later, he gave up six earned runs and four homers in five innings. His manager was blamed for the dismal performance because he delayed the next start by two days. It would likely have been even worse, however, had Mr. Santana stuck to the five-day cycle.

Compared to pitchers of a century ago, pitchers today routinely throw faster, expending more stored energy per pitch. They also train harder during the season, depleting more glycogen between starts. Bad games, short outings, shellings, and inconsistent pitching were less common 100 years ago. There was no All-Star Game then — and no need for a midseason break to forestall pitching fatigue.
William Blewett, who writes from Bel Air, is the author of "The Science of the Fastball" (McFarland & Co.), to be released this fall. His email is wkblewett@aol.com.

Dave,   a friend of mine sent this article to me and I'm forwarding because I know this type of physiology is right in the middle of your expertise and interests.   Bill Blewett , the writer , is a physicist who also ran a 4:02 mile back in the 60's and a sub 14:00 minute 3 mile.  In high school he never broke 5minutes for the mile.  He came to Oklahoma the year after I left, and we only met a few years ago.  His son is pitching in the minor leagues, so that's what peeked his interest in the science of throwing.     Some day Bill  may come to Dayton for a visit, and I'd like to bring him over to Muncie to meet you and pick your brain a bit.     George

George and Bill

Yes, in the 1980s we looked at glycogen storage after exercise that had induced some tissue damage and found a very slow recovery.  Per Blom and I did studies after marathons that showed a very slow glycogen recovery, primarily due to the inflammatory response tissue damage and complete depletion.  However, it is hard to say how this translates into pitching and the injuries caused by excessive training.  I had many arguments with top level coaches who insisted on excessive training with the philosophy that "the athlete that trains the hardest is the best."  Boy, that's an easy one to deflate, but highly motivated coaches and athletes don't want to be confused by facts!  I'm sure many athletes never realize their full potential, simply because they trained too hard.
Dave Costill

George, 

It was great to get this note and its affirmation of the effect of slowed glycogen restoration.  Thank you.

The observation that led to my search about this effect came from that photo taken of me and the other milers at the 1967 Big 8 conference meet in Norman.

 

Bill

Note from Bruce Kritzler, Savannah , GA
George, Bill, etc,

Thanks for sharing the article on pitching in baseball (and obvious applications to distance running/racing).

I believe all recovery is aerobic related? Would pitchers benefit from running easy distance on off days, for recovery of arms, shoulders, wrist, fingers?

Have always felt the ability to race well late in the season is getting the right mix of aerobic/anaerobic (distance/speed) throughout the year. Definitely agree that most high schoolers are over-raced. Guess not every athlete has to run every meet. Some meets can be used as development type meets for novices, while big invitationals can be used for top flight kids.

Bruce

Note from Rick Lower , Beaverton, OR

George-

Always enjoy your topics, this one more than most! I wanted to give you my recent POV with the issue of “overtraining” in high school runners here in Oregon. There seem to be two prevalent camps, with neither  allowing kids to reach their potential.

-Camp one are the programs run by coaches who know the power of Lydiard training, but don’t control the pace or surfaces run on adequately. Consequently, we have kids running 60-70-80 miles /week but get sick of it or get injured. As long as they can get a lot of kids out each season, their programs are successful because they always have enough kids that can withstand the pounding.

-Camp two are the programs that tried the above, then decided to blame mileage for the injuries. Subsequently, they pride themselves on low mileage but replace the miles with too many workouts of intervals/tempos, basically hard workouts to try to make up for the lack of aerobic base work. Just as many injuries as camp one for different reasons.

Take care!

Rick